Radioactive Man at Kauffman Stadium

The Simpsons snuck another slight baseball reference into Sunday night's show that I just caught while watching it on DVR this afternoon. In the above image, tacked to the wall behind Comic Book Guy, is an issue of the Radioactive Man comic: Radioactive Man meets the Kansas City Royals.

It's at least the third baseball reference in the show this season. The biggest, of course, was the "MoneyBART" episode, in which Lisa takes over Bart's Little League team and makes her decisions based solely on statistics. Wezen-ball.com posted a great recap, focusing on Bart's game-winning home run.

The first baseball reference I caught this season came the week before, in "Loan-a-Lisa," when Grandpa decides to give the family members their inheritance money so he can see them spend it. When each one only receives $50, Grandpa explains that he lost the rest of it investing in a failed musical about the life of Eddie Gaedel.

I couldn't find a clip online, so I resorted to the rudimentary video recording of the TV. The tripod helps steady it, but the volume may be a bit loud. I overcompensated, not wanting to risk it being too low.

It's been seven years now since ESPN.com's Page 3 ranked the 100 greatest sports moments on The Simpsons. There have certainly been a few more in the years since, but there's probably no way of knowing how many other minor, throwaway references like these have made it to the show. I'm not sure I'll ever have the time to dedicate to reviewing each episode on DVD, but if I ever find myself laid up for a month, maybe I'll start.

I'm askin', can you see?

Been a bit busy the last couple of days. On Monday, I only got four hours of sleep, took care of some things in the morning, then napped in the afternoon before work. Tuesday, I was out of the house all day, then did the same on Wednesday, when my wife, a friend from work and I drove to Philadelphia for the Mitchell & Ness sale. (I went in without a wish list, figuring I'd see what was available, and came away with three jerseys, three hats and a pennant of the Colorado Rockies -- not the baseball team, but the hockey team that would one day become the New Jersey Devils. One of the jerseys is right up there. I never really considered it, having only seen it online, because I have a current road jersey featuring David Wright's name and number and figured that filled the need. But seeing this one in person -- the blue and orange of the "NEW YORK," sans drop shadow, standing out so nicely from the gray flannel -- had me hooked. Then I went onto eBay and bought the home version of the Tom Seaver for $100, shipping included. I even saw the strangely numbered Tug McGraw, but had no desire for it.)

Anyway, I have three of the next four days off from work, so I hope to catch up on some posts, both timely as the news of the days warrant, and others I've saved drafts of with the intention of filling them out eventually. That list of drafts has gotten a little long for my tastes.

So we'll get to that, soon. For now, MLB.com columnist Mike Bauman seems to have decided that if MLB is going to try to speed up the pace of games from the first pitch to the final out, why not try to pick up the pace on the national anthem, too. Really? That's the column you felt had to be written? I find some anthem singers grating, too, but it's not the cause I'd choose if I had that kind of a platform.

Canseco's new book on 'The Simpsons'

"The Simpsons" last night looked into the future for Jose Canseco's next book (and Marge's last one).

Future programming on MLB's own network

If the Yankees are the Fox reality TV show of MLB (the one you love to watch because you either want to see the next Kelly Clarkson do well, or you love the train wreck that is the talentless hacks getting their comeuppance while continuing to insist that they're great even as they're packing their bags and heading home), then the Red Sox are the daytime soap opera.

Like resin through the pitcher's fingers, these are the days of our lives -- as Red Sox Nation turns ...

It's no surprise that Theo Epstein returned as GM. If you ask those New Englanders, everyone's been saying he's been orchestrating Boston's off-season moves since November despite not being officially employed by the team. Everything they do in Boston, it seems, is punctuated by the dramatic background music and soft-focus lens of an afternoon serial production.

In the vein of aligning the major league franchises with characters from The Simpsons, how would the majors look if the teams were paired up with television shows? In some cases, but not all, the city is the obvious answer. In others, there's a distinct character to the team that lends itself to a comparison with television programming. More of a seat-of-my-pants impulsive comparison than a researched philosophical study, these pairings reflect a team's more recent trends than an overall historical characterization. Just so we're clear.

NL EAST

Atlanta Braves = Law & Order: Despite a rotating cast (and one or two older guys who are there through it all), they remain steady and consistent with a steadfast, businesslike approach.

Florida Marlins = The Planet's Funniest Animals: Campy and ridiculous, you have to either be a diehard or a child to sit through it.

New York Mets = Love Monkey: In the country's largest city, this is the story of a small-name label trying to compete with the big boys.

Philadelphia Phillies = Cold Case: Long dormant and forgotten by all except those whose loved ones are involved.

Washington Nationals = E-Ring: There's a gray, old man set in his ways who's unafraid to speak his mind and an outfit unable to affect any significant changes without first slogging through all the red tape. If they were still the Expos, they'd be Cheers -- sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name (and it's never too crowded) and there's always a seat for you right where the action is.

NL CENTRAL

Chicago Cubs = ER: Not only for the Chicago connection, but also for the propensity to feature several varied and recurring injury situations.

Cincinnati Reds = Emily's Reasons Why Not: Looks promising after the first pitch, but then you don't need much more than one viewing to see that there are major problems with development.

Houston Astros = The O.C.: Is it me, or does it seem like all of the principle contributors are white?

Milwaukee Brewers = I Love the 80s: Filled with people born just before (and now even in) the 1980s who are trying to bring back those 20-year-old glory days.

Pittsburgh Pirates = I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!: You wonder how these fringe "stars" are still considered celebrities and you know that the truly good ones, with talent, will put it to use somewhere else.

St. Louis Cardinals = Smallville: In small-town middle America, a super man with a red-and-yellow logo on his chest performs feats the likes of which no one has ever seen.

NL WEST

Arizona Diamondbacks = Star Search: In this competition of mostly unknown talents, who will emerge as America's next superstar?

Colorado Rockies = Star Trek: They're above us all, literally, trying to survive in the thin air.

Los Angeles Dodgers = America's Next Top Model: Where aspiring stars come from all over America to bask in the spotlight, but all too often tend to wither under the pressure.

San Diego Padres = Lost: Comes out of nowhere (well, virtually nowhere) to have a stellar 2005. Shot in a beautiful setting with a leading man who used to be a star several years ago and is looking to make a comeback.

San Francisco Giants = Matlock: They may be old, but don't put them out to pasture just yet. Plus, they have that enduring mystery in Barry Bonds. (Alternate: Antiques Roadshow, which doesn't need much explanation.)

AL EAST

Baltimore Orioles = The People's Court: Punctuated by characters ready to sue at the drop of a hat and with ridiculous defendants who paint themselves into a corner with statements that are soon proven falls. Not to mention former friends who then turn on their pals.

Boston Red Sox = As the World Turns: As discussed.

New York Yankees = American Idol: You either love 'em or you hate 'em.

Tampa Bay Devil Rays = Romper Room: Just a bunch of kids running around playing.

Toronto Blue Jays = Hockey Night In Canada: The excitement just doesn't quite translate south of the border.

AL CENTRAL

Chicago White Sox = Sports Night: Struggling to get noticed in their own field, they may not be loved by everyone, but you know there will be some entertaining comments and back-and-forth dialogue.

Cleveland Indians = Veronica Mars: Underrated and overlooked, but the fans know what everyone else is missing.

Detroit Tigers = Extreme Makeover: Home Edition: They spare no expense, have a guy who likes to shout a lot (Dmitri Young; Ty Pennington), and in the end you're probably in tears.

Kansas City Royals = Fear Factor: It's always fun to see just how far other people will go for big money. Some will eat bugs, others will voluntarily play in Kansas City.

Minnesota Twins = Arrested Development: Loved by fans and praised by pundits, but prematurely sent out to pasture by the head honcho.

AL WEST

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim = He-Man and the Masters of the Universe: One powerful young man and his slightly-less-gifted allies take on all comers. Plus, they attempt to claim most of the known universe as their home base. (Another option was TNT's The Closer, but I question how many people know of that show.)

Oakland Athletics = The Office: Not sure it would work without anyone else leading the way, so enjoy it while he's there.

Texas Rangers = Walker, Texas Ranger: No, wait, it works: Take a reliable concept (a cop show; a starting pitcher) and make him a Texas Ranger and somehow, it's just ridiculous (Chuck Norris as a martial-arts-master Ranger; Kenny Rogers).

Seattle Mariners = Yu-Gi-Oh: First a hit on the Pacific Rim, then a stateside success; also features a zippy, diminutive Japanese icon.

New York Yankees : Mr. Burns :: Red Sox : Lisa Simpson

Which Simpsons character best represents your favorite team?

You know that article started with the first team and character listed. Like the Yankees could be anyone but Monty Burns. It's how he ran the power plant's softball team.

Then and Now: The Springfield Nuclear Nine

Homer at the Bat
Today I watched "Homer at the Bat," the episode of The Simpsons in which Mr. Burns hires nine major league players to token jobs at the power plant so that they can play on the company softball team. When Smithers goes out to hired the first of the ringers, his first stop is a baseball card show at which Jose Canseco is signing autographs. "I get $50,000 to play one game?" Canseco asks, sounding excited. "Well, it's a pay cut, but what the hey, it sounds like fun."

Looking back on it now — the episode originally aired almost 13 years ago, Feb. 20, 1992 — it's amazing to see what players were chosen, and the subplots that were explored. For instance, today Canseco is still looking out for Jose, trying to make money however he can. So I thought I'd take a look at the Springfield Nuclear Nine, then and now.

JOSE CANSECO
Then: The 27-year-old was coming off a 44-home run, 122-RBI season with the A's, his sixth full season. He'd hit 209 homers to that point. The 1992 season: He was traded to Texas in August for Ruben Sierra, Jeff Russell, Bobby Witt and cash. It was a deal that seemed like it could be one of the biggest ever and an exchange of two certain Hall of Famers. Now: I hear he's got a book out, based loosely on his playing days.

MIKE SCIOSCIA
Then: At the age of 32, Scioscia batted .264 for the '91 Dodgers in 119 games. He had what would probably be considered his career year in 1990, when he also hit .264, but with 12 homers and 66 RBI, both career highs. He knew how to work a count, though: In each of his 13 big-league seasons, he walked more times than he struck out, despite a career .259 batting average. The 1992 season: It was his last as a player. In 117 games, he hit just .221 with a career-low .286 OBP (.344 lifetime mark nonetheless). He retired with just 68 career HRs. Now: He's about to enter his sixth season as manager of the Angels, coming off his first division title. The team's 75th win this season will be his 500th. Show quotation: [Explaining why he actually enjoys working in the power plant.] "It's such a relief from the pressures of playing big-league ball. I mean, there, you make any kind of mistake, and — BOOM! — the press is all over you." And now he's a manager. Go figure.

OZZIE SMITH
Then: At 37, The Wizard of Oz had just come off his third straight season with exactly 50 RBI. The 1992 season: He hit .295 and stole 43 bases, but would have only one more season with 500 at bats before retiring in after the '96 campaign. Now: He may be the last player to reach the Hall of Fame for his defense and solid consistency moreso than his offensive numbers. Show moment: During practice, Mr. Burns takes the bat from Oz to show him how to bunt. The pitch comes in, and Mr. Burns is knocked to the backstop by the force of the ball hitting the bat.

DON MATTINGLY
Then: He played 152 games for the Yankees at 30, but hit just 14 homers combined in 1990 and '91. The 1992 season: He overcame his back problems enough to hit 14 homers in '92 and 17 in '93, with 86 RBI in each. Now: He's in Tampa, about to start his second season as the Yankees' hitting coach. Show quotation: "I still like him better than Steinbrenner." Airing six months after George Steinbrenner criticized Mattingly for wearing his hair too long (and had him benched for one game because he didn't cut it), Mr. Burns insists Donnie Baseball shave his sideburns. Mattingly doesn't see the problem (he has no sideburns) and ends up shaving the sides of his head up and over the top. Burns still isn't satisfied and kicks him off the team, prompting the comment.

STEVE SAX
Then: "Saxie" hit .304 with a career-high 10 homers and 56 RBI in '91 for the Yankees. He also stole 31 bases at 31. The 1992 season: In the first of two seasons with the White Sox, his average plummeted to .236, though he still stole 30. He played just 57 games in '93 and seven in '94. Now: Sax appeared to be the leading candidate to land the color commentator's role for TV broadcasts of about 50 Dodgers road games (those for which Vin Scully does not make the trip), but the team hired Steve Lyons instead. Show quotation: "But there's hundreds of unsolved murders in New York City." The police pull him over as he's driving through Springfield and harass him because he's from NYC.

ROGER CLEMENS
Then: The Rocket, 29, went 18-10 with 13 complete games (four shutouts) for the Red Sox, striking out 241 batters. The 1992 season: Clemens was 18-11 with 11 complete games (five shutouts) and 208 Ks. Now: He's signed on for one last, final last season with the Astros. Show moment: The Rocket's grounded from the softball game because the hypnotist brought in to convince the team (ringers and true employees alike) that they were outstanding athletes has made Clemens think he's a chicken. He walks around the field clucking. Eight years later, he'd throw a bat at Mike Piazza and then claim he "thought it was the ball."

WADE BOGGS
Then: The 33-year-old third baseman hit .332 for the Sox in '91. The 1992 season: His worst average, by far: .259. Not great for a contract year. In '93, he was in the Bronx. Now: All the money he earned in the bigs bought him a new full head of hair. And, he's in the Hall of Fame. Show quotation: "Pitt the Elder!" At Moe's, in a debate with Barney over who was England's greatest prime minister, Boggs gets punched out for disagreeing with Barney.

KEN GRIFFEY JR.
Then: He played three seasons before turning 22 and reached 100 RBI (exactly) for the first time in '91, hitting .327. The 1992 season: Continuing his steady rise, he batted .308 with 27 HR and 103 RBI. Now: After the difficult offseason of 1999-2000, when he forced a trade to his hometown Reds, this is the fourth straight spring folks in Cincinnati are beginning sentences with "If Griffey stays healthy ..." Show quotation: When Mr. Burns forces everyone to drink Brain & Nerve Tonic to "promote robust health," despite causing gigantism in rare cases, Griffey gets hooked on the sauce and develops a huge head. Since then, he's missed at least 20 games in eight of 13 seasons.

DARRYL STRAWBERRY
Then: His first season with the Dodgers produced 28 home runs and 99 RBI at the age of 29. The 1992 season: This is where the signing officially went bust. He played just 43 games and would top 100 only once (1998 with the Yankees) before retiring after the '99 season. Now: Returning to his roots, Straw will be a spring-training instructor for the Mets in Port St. Lucie. Show moment: As the only ringer who wasn't kicked off the team or otherwise kept from playing, Strawberry starts the game in place of Homer in right field. Upset that their father isn't playing, Bart and Lisa start chanting "Daaaa-rryl! Daaaa-rryl!" Marge scolds them, but Lisa explains, "Mom, they're professional athletes, they're used to this sort of thing. It rolls right off their back." Strawberry sheds a tear.

Do you have the Power?

That's gold and Moss to you.
While perusing minor-league schedules for the upcoming season, I came across one of the team name changes that went unnoticed (at least by me) when it was announced last November: The former Charleston Alley Cats of the South Atlantic League have used the occasion of a new ownership group, a new stadium and a new affiliation with the Milwaukee Brewers to completely retool the team's image.

Apparently, the website needs a little more time.

Naturally, my first thought was, "Why Power?" The glut of team nicknames that do not end in the letter "S" has become a plague, I fear. Many of them represent a clever and purposeful connection to the local area or some history for the city or baseball in the region. When I first learned of this ability to name a group of people after a singular word was when I learned all the teams in the NBA and got to the Utah Jazz. How do you say it, I wondered, if you're a player on the team? "I'm a Knick" or "I'm a Cub" are easy; "I'm a Jazz" just sounds like Ralph Wiggum. (Nevermind the Jazz' idiotic decision not to rename the franchise when it moved from New Orleans.)

A quick look at the affiliated minor leagues gives us six awkward team names (excluding true plurals that do not end with an "S" like the Missoula Osprey and any variation of Sox; I'm not sure what to think of the West Tennessee Diamond Jaxx):

Altoona Curve
Bakersfield Blaze
Fort Myers Miracle
Lake Elsinore Storm
Salem Avalanche
Trenton Thunder

The above list potentially could have included several more; I know that one of the finalists when the Lakewood BlueClaws were named five years ago was Lightning, to go with the Thunder across the state in Trenton. So why Power? I was even more curious about what seemed to be a domed building as the centerpiece of the logo, which is exactly what I thought it might be: West Virginia's capitol building. According to the team's announcement, "West Virginia is and will continue to be recognized as one of the leading energy providers for the country. The energy production from coal, natural gas, and hydro-electric sources, combined with the fact that Charleston serves as the center for the state's political and economic powers led us to the name of the team. We felt it was extremely important that the name reflect the entire region and are excited about the tremendous marketing opportunities that will go along with the name."

Yet all I can think about is He-Man's cry once he received the Power of Grayskull: "I HAVE THE POWER!!" They should put that on a shirt.


"By the Power of Grayskull ... !"

Personally, I think they should've taken a cue from teams like the Toronto Raptors, the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim or the Springfield Isotopes and christened the team with a nod to Hollywood: The West Viginia Alias, in honor of homegrown star Jennifer Garner.

But I understand that's just being silly.

I wonder, too, if anyone made the connection between the team's "custom" color of Moss and one of the state's athletic heros, former Marshall star Randy Moss.

What I do like, however, is using the name of the state rather than the city. The SAL already has the Charleston River Dogs in South Carolina, so now there's no need for the parenthetical designation of "WV" or "SC" in standings, box scores or game stories. But more interesting to me is that it is the first affiliated team to play in the Mountain State and use the state's name rather than the city's (or town's). With a few dark years, minor league baseball has been played in West Virginia since 1887. The only other team to use "West Virginia" in its name — at least according to Baseball America's Encyclopedia of Minor League Baseball, 2nd Edition — is the West Virginia Coal Sox of the Frontier League. That team played 10 games in 1993 before folding.