The Jeterian Code

Midtown, 2008

A co-worker sent out an e-mail for an assignment yesterday, but added a twist. Next to each person on the list, attributed a saying, slogan or tall tale praising Derek Jeter, the joke being that Jeter is often adored/celebrated/defended by fans to the point of hagiography. This co-worker is not much for blogs or social media (he may be the last person of my generation I know who doesn't have a Facebook account, a Twitter account OR a blog -- not even a Tumblr or Instagram account), so I asked if I could borrow his list for a post here. All he asked was that I leave his name out of it. What follows is mostly his doing, though I omitted and altered a few that were inside office jokes.

So here then is The Jeterian Code, by a Co-Worker To Be Named Later. This list, of course, could be easily expanded. And neither the co-worker or I are claiming these are original ideas; maybe someone out there has uttered some of these before. But they were new to us.

• Columbus didn't discover America, Jeter did
• Zeus bows down before Jeter
• WWJD stands for "What Would Jeter Do?"
• Derek Jeter is the Keymaster
• A.D. is no longer Anno Domini, it's now After Derek
• Jeter's No. 2 is retired by all Nippon Professional Baseball clubs
• Jeter is ticklish behind his parietal lobe
• Dinosaurs were wiped off the earth by Jeter
• JetBlue is renamed to JeterBlue
• November shall now be known as Jetember
• Santa has a Naughty, Nice and Jeter list
• Jeter's birthday designated a galaxy-wide holidayJeter is the Keymaster
• When you search for Jeter in a lexicon, it says "See 'God'"
• No. 2 on calendars changed to the No. Jeter
• Jeter knows the way to San Jose
• The sun revolves around Jeter
• Jeter was the man standing in front of the tank at Tiananmen Square
• Jeter can read upside down
• Melky Cabrera tested positive for too much Jeter
• When Jeter retires, the Yanks will retire the position of SS
• Jeter is Luke's father
• DJ is a new element on the periodic table